Dread: Responsible Thinking or Poison? You decide....

I learned a great lesson this morning. Last night was a somber occasion. My wife's vacation was quickly coming to an end, our children were going back to the regular routine, and I knew that I was going to be faced with myself, alone. Oh, well, let's not forget Molly my precious 2 year old. But, you know what I mean. The week was so restorative in so many ways that I could not even begin to express the gratitude I have for the privilege of being with my family with a clear mind and an open and surrendered spirit.

But, there we sit last night, my wife and I together, dreading the day to come. Neither of us knowing what that day was to bring but yet having some horrifying ideas, pictures, of what it might be. The serenity and shelter was being threatened and neither of us were entirely comfortable. We even chose not to pray about tomorrow cause we both said we'd deal with it when it came.

Well, I guess by now we all know today is here. The alarm went off at 5:30am and I rolled off that bed and as soon as my feet hit the floor my spirit was flooded with the deepest sense of security that I've felt in a long time. And the cliche' resounded in my mind: I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds it in the palm of His hands. I had to stop for a moment... It was the last thing I expected, to hear: His sweet and wooing, lovely and passionate, calming and serene voice.

I think if I would of had time, and He knew I didn't, I would of fell on my face at that moment in gratitude. You see, its been such a long time since I've woke in the morning with a sense of hope. Life and pain and hurt and physical maladies have a way of eating away at you til before you even realize what has happened your not even a semblance of the man you used to be. You can even forget who you are if your not careful. But, there's one thing that I have come to know with certainty beyond doubt, He knows who I am.

John Howe, the Canadian artist says the following:

“What a folly to dread the thought of throwing away life at once, and yet have no regard to throwing it away by parcels and piecemeal.”

Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor, said:

Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.

Both these men make power statements about the very nature of dread. What is it that we're doing when we sit around worrying about things we can't change, days that haven't even arrived yet, bills we've not even gotten, health reports that may or may not be good or bad? Are we not wasting precious moments of today? Jesus, the man, also made a very profound statement to this regard. Remember now, especially in the Emperor's day and in Jesus' day, times were harsh. The first century C.E. world was fraught with danger and change and sickness and disease. I am not going to spend anytime this morning delineating it but take a little time to read about the world that Jesus lived in. His words will come alive in a new way to you.

Anyways, so I can put this to rest, Jesus sat down on the hillside one day and began a sermon, a famous one. We call it the Sermon on the Mount. In this sermon he dealt with the people's dread, saying:

33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34 "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

Matt 6:33-34 (NRSV)

Basically, Jesus was saying that you do not have the resources to deal with tomorrow yet. Your portfolio is not polished enough. Your investments in the future can crumble in a moment's time. Today, today is the day that the Lord has given; let us be glad and rejoice in it. (Ps 118:24, my paraphrase) In some ways that makes me feel vulnerable but in the most important ways, its liberating. He dwells in eternity: simultaneously in the past, present, and future. There is NOTHING that He does not know.

Lastly, I've yet to deal with Howe's quote and I've done it on purpose. I know what its like to attempt to wholesale throw my life away with drugs and alcohol and sex and every vice this old world has to offer. But, I never considered how we so easily gloss over opportunities because we dread or are afraid of something that even hasn't happened or may never happen. Piece by piece, we give ourselves, our potentials, away. God give us grace to listen today and see today what it is we're here to do and who might need us....

A Midnight Encounter with a Saviour

Questions are essential to human evolution. From the earliest days of Greek philosophy to the present, man has guided his quest upon this planet with questions that led to answers that only led to more and more questions. I love Euripides who said, "question everything." Or, the 12th century cleric and scholastic theologian, Abelard, who died quietly; his dying words are said to be "I don't know..."

My earliest notions of God was that He was offended by questioning,.Fundamentally, however, I do not think He is. Where did He come from? How did He not have a beginning? Why do we use a big H when writing His pronoun? What is incarnation? How can one man be both God and man at the same time? What of the millions who do not know or have lived and died without knowing....

Years ago, all those questions haunted me. I remember standing in the pulpit Sunday after Sunday preaching things that had been passed along to me via tradition that I no longer believed. I felt as if I was not only betraying myself but I was betraying the very people I had been entrusted to care for. Finally, it became too much and I became a casualty; lost in a sea of doubt, confusion, and cynicism.

Lately, I have been thinking about Nicodemus (Jn 3) coming to Jesus under the cloak of night. Personally, had I been Jesus I would of been offended. Here this teacher, leader, the man who was supposed to have the answers comes to Jesus incognito and identified Jesus as a teacher from God. If I were Nicodemus, I'm sure I would of instructed Jesus: tone it down... stop causing trouble. Jesus quickly, however, turns the tide on Nicodemus and begins to ask this sage questions he could not answer.

My mind often wanders off the beaten path of history or tradition and wonders what ever truly became of Nicodemus? What did he ever really do with the questions that Jesus so aptly planted into his heart? Notice what I said there, because there is a subtle statement being made here: Jesus intentionally asked this religious man, this good man, sage, teacher, questions he knew Nicodemus could not answer. Why? Perhaps to bring him to the end of himself?

I would have hated that, and I'm not so sure Nicodemus did not either. "How can a man be born the second time?" "What do you mean by being born of water and of Spirit?" I can not really answer those things today. Oh, sure, I can quote to you dozens of interpretations from left to right about what the church says it means. But, what does it really mean?

Years ago, a very wise pastor told me that I should never live in the ghetto of my own mind. I fear that I did not heed his words so well. Faith must be experienced, lived, at times--felt. I remember the scripture in Hebrews 11:6, and I paraphrase: you can't please God or even approach His very person without first believing fundamentally the HE IS. Now, I can do that! Today, I may not understand many of the things I thought I did years ago. I may not be able to believe in the same old answers my Sunday School teachers gave me. But, today, mine eyes have seen His salvation and in that, I find the greatest peace. I also am beginning to believe that just maybe my questions are an encounter with the Jesus of history who calls me to himself with words that fall heavy upon my ears...

The Lost Coin

How would it be possible if salvation were ready to our hand, and could without great labor be found, that it should be by almost all men neglected? But all things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
-- Baruch Spinoza

Wow, its just seems like forever since I've had the time or been physically able to update this blog. Health issues, family and marital issues have weighed heavily upon me of late and I am thankful to still be alive and in the ring, still fighting and not down yet. One of my of my all time favorite Christian contemporary groups was a group lead by Bryan Duncan many years before his mega successful solo career: Sweet Comfort. They broke up back in the mid eighties and it was the end of an era to me.

Anyways, they had a song entitled "Contender." Its all about this fight going on between two matched and formidable foes. One has the resolve to say, I'm not quitting, I not giving up...." If you've never heard it, try YouTube and see if its available. Its well worth the listen. That's where I've been and while I must say that its not the most pleasant place to be, it is where you find what your made of, who you love, how strong you are or how weak....

With all this said, it make Spinoza's quote all the more applicable. Obviously, Spinoza was not a Christian in any traditional sense. He was an excommunicated Jew who said he found it difficult to teach philosophy without disturbing organized religion. So, suffice it to say that his idea of salvation was not the typical evangelical one employed by most today. But, regardless, his statement speaks to me, even if in a different way than he would of chosen.

I am reminded of the kingdom parables that Jesus shared along the Galilee countryside: the kingdom of heaven is like a woman who had ten coins and lost one (lk 15). She swept her whole house all night to find one lost coin, and finding it she rejoiced as much or even more for the one she recovered than the nine she had in her pocket. I wonder if that wasn't was Spinoza was meaning when he likened salvation to that which is excellent and rare? I also wonder how many things we allow to just fall into the cracks of our lives, like the lady's coin? How easy would it of been for her to simply say, "I have nine others, what's one lost coin?" Yet, Christ likened the entire kingdom of heaven to that woman's search for that one lost coin.

At forty-0ne, I realize today that I have let too many coins slide into the cracks of life and lost pieces of myself along the way: passions, talents, things I didn't even know were gone. Losing a coin or two here or there may not add up, but eventually, it can become your very soul that's at stake. Just as this woman stayed up all night searching for that coin as if it were her only one, there comes a time when you realize that you've lost too much of yourself... life, drugs, addictions, cynicism.... so many things went wrong that I never intended to go wrong.

Oh, don't get me wrong; I would rather offer to Him a coin left in my pocket. I mean, a coin is a coin, right? But, all I have left is rubbish and refuse from a life ill spent. How am I to take something that I didn't loose to bartar for His eternal love and forgiveness? So, I, like the woman with the lost coin have been sweeping and searching trying so desperately to find that one thing that will make me acceptable to dad.... to my God. Divinity? Resurrection? Infallibility? I found them all but even in all those things, I still did not feel like I found the right coin.

Then, the beauty and agony of Spinoza's words kiss in a moment of complete and utter clarity: surrender. I finally realized that he doesn't care whether I understand the incarnation. Hell, the church has been wrangling over it for milineums. It took them four hundred yearsto come to some definitive statement which ultimately split the church. He doesn't care whether I believe that every word in the cover of the 21st century bible is genuine reliable history. He could care less what I think of atonement theory or gay marriage. What he does care about, though, is surrender. The toughest, rarest, and most lost coin in my whole collection. I could fake the others if I had too.... but, surrender?

Surrender hurts; it forces me to say what I hate to admit. That is, I don't know. I don't have the answers. All my reading, all my learning, all my theological pursuits, think-I-know's, none of them could help me in the moment that I came face to face with the one thing I did not want to do: bow. Sounds so easy, at the hand of every person, so readily available, but so difficult and rare that it makes its price so far above value one could never substitute anything for it.

Well, to make a long story short, I am finally on my knees. I told my wife last night that I was not entirely sure what that meant (and you thought you were so far gone! LOL) All I know, is He is right here with me... and, that's worth more than theories, books, theology, cynicism, or anything coin I can begin to substitute in my collection.... thank you, Jesus!

One Priest, Two Faiths, and Lots of Questions - News

One Priest, Two Faiths, and Lots of Questions - News

Pluralistic ideology can often be abstract and rhetorical. The above article on belief.net's news section highlights two Episcopal priest: one who is both an Episcopal priest as well as a follower of Islam; the other is an Episcopal priest recently voted in as the Bishop of the Upper Michigan Diocese who also practices Zen Meditation and has received lay ordination from a Buddhist community. The controversy over these two priest is stirring up much debate and is threatening to create a 21st century version of the Syncretistic Controversy.

Among those of us who have a positive view on religious pluralism, I wonder how many would feel comfortable with multiple faith confessions? It is true that many of the beliefs of the world's major religions contradict one another. How can these differences be reconciled? One of the priest involved states that Christianity and Islam (her additional faith interest) inform and compliment one another more than they collide with each other.

I must admit that the idea gives me some pause, not really idealistically, but more of a practical nature. The demands and conflicting ideas of, say, Islam and Christianity, would be very difficult to reconcile in my opinion. To the contrary, to have an eclectic faith where one can be a part of a specific faith community, one that best suits or fits their spirituality, but also is free to take from any religion to inform and enhance their understanding of God and responsibility to the world, seems to be a more manageable propposition. For instance, I am an Episcopalian and am most comfortable in a Christo-centric, bible related practice of faith. However, I allow myself the freedom to search for God in the sacred scriptures of many religions: buddhist, Islamic, earth based spirituality, etc, they all have something of value to offer the soul that is searching. Some fit with my spiritual disposition and where I am at the moment better than others. Some day down the road I may be able to find value in things that can not recieve from today.

What is your opinion on this matter? Is it really possible for a person to be a part of two completely different faiths and be equally as faithful to both? This is a very interesting question and one that is likely to become more relevant as our postmodern age proceeds. Leave a comment through which you can follow me to Disqus and we can discuss this topic further. Be sure to vote on the poll related to this post that is included in the right side bar. Thank you for your participation!

For Those Who are Pained by My Changes

For Those Who are Pained by My Changes

The above link is one that I found in an article entitled "Losing Your Religion? How to Talk to your Kids", written by Valerie Tarico in the Living section of the Huffington Post. Tarico is best known for her book, The Dark Side: How Evangelical Teachings Corrupt Love and Truth and the founder of WisdomCommons.org. As the title of the article suggest, Tarico is addressing the issue of how to approach your children when your quest of faith has led you in an opposite direction than what they are used to seeing. This is no doubt a very serious issue and one that is oftentimes neglected at the demise of children's faith.

Children need to understand that faith is a journey and that in this journey things often change; we often change! This change does not negate the reality of the faith that we once held, it informs that faith and it is important that children understand this. There have been many cases where children wake up one day to find that things have changed drastically in the spirituality of their parents. Perhaps, this brings about a move from one church to another, or, even a change in the family's church attendance altogether. Where the family used to attend church on a regular basis, now the family only attends sporadically, if at all. This is not always a bad thing, it may just be a phase in a person's spiritual journey where relationship or solitude, etc, is more important at the time. However, children may see this and get confused and this confusion can breed disillusionment and an eventual migration away from all religious faith.

In the article, Tarico links to a piece she wrote and that is what is linked above and referenced in the title of this post. It goes beyond the need to speak to children about this and extends to family relationships and those persons in one's life that can be affected by change in a person's spiritual disposition. Tarico is writing for the benefit of loved one's who are worried about her change in faith and she is telling them what she sees as important about her change and what she wants them to know. Its a great piece and one that I wish I had stumbled upon a long time ago. She really does a great job of explaining the process she is going through; this process is indicative of what many of us, whose faith has been reshaped and redefined and who are constantly in a state of flux regarding matters of faith and spirituality, go through.

At the end of this post written to Tarico's loved ones, she says the following:

For a long time, I have known that the answers I had were not quite right. But I didn't really know how to explain this whole process or how to articulate a better set of answers, so mostly what I talked about was the flaws in the old way of thinking.

This really explains a process that I know I've been through and actions of mine that I sincerely regret. It is just so easy for us to think that since we are unhappy with or questioning what we believe then surely everyone must be feeling this way, or if they are not, they should be. The fact is, however, that some people never question their faith; they are happy and content in what they believe and it would not be healthy for them to have their faith challenged. I think what happens is that we become so invested in 'faith as a journey' and we want everyone to respect our navigational decisions in this journey, but we are not so free in giving others space to plot their own course in matters of faith.

We are all at different places in our spiritual quest and we should learn how to respect that my revelation may be a stumbling block to another. Paul, in the 14th chapter of Romans, speaks to this very issue when dealing with eating meat that was sacrificed to idols and respecting certain holy days. Paul acknowledges that our feelings of freedom and such are not shared by everyone around us. Damage can be unnecessarily done to another's faith if ideas and concepts are pushed upon them that they are not ready to receive. They may never receive it, and that should be okay with us. I can look back and see where I was totally irresponsible with my religious ideas and intentionally challenged others who should not have been challenged. I mean, my faith changes often; it is okay with me if I do not have all the answers and if I take a position that is totally opposite of one that I took in the past. That's me. But, others find security in the answers they have and when one of those answers are attacked or challenged, it becomes personal. I should understand this, especially since I have been there.

Whether it is our children or family members or friends, all should be given the respect to grow in their faith and understanding in a manner that is appropriate for each individually. Variety is a good thing; no one has to be just like me, or just like you. This is a great lesson to be reminded of and Tarico does a wonderful job of bringing our attention to this important reality.