Questions are essential to human evolution. From the earliest days of Greek philosophy to the present, man has guided his quest upon this planet with questions that led to answers that only led to more and more questions. I love Euripides who said, "question everything." Or, the 12th century cleric and scholastic theologian, Abelard, who died quietly; his dying words are said to be "I don't know..."
My earliest notions of God was that He was offended by questioning,.Fundamentally, however, I do not think He is. Where did He come from? How did He not have a beginning? Why do we use a big H when writing His pronoun? What is incarnation? How can one man be both God and man at the same time? What of the millions who do not know or have lived and died without knowing....
Years ago, all those questions haunted me. I remember standing in the pulpit Sunday after Sunday preaching things that had been passed along to me via tradition that I no longer believed. I felt as if I was not only betraying myself but I was betraying the very people I had been entrusted to care for. Finally, it became too much and I became a casualty; lost in a sea of doubt, confusion, and cynicism.
Lately, I have been thinking about Nicodemus (Jn 3) coming to Jesus under the cloak of night. Personally, had I been Jesus I would of been offended. Here this teacher, leader, the man who was supposed to have the answers comes to Jesus incognito and identified Jesus as a teacher from God. If I were Nicodemus, I'm sure I would of instructed Jesus: tone it down... stop causing trouble. Jesus quickly, however, turns the tide on Nicodemus and begins to ask this sage questions he could not answer.
My mind often wanders off the beaten path of history or tradition and wonders what ever truly became of Nicodemus? What did he ever really do with the questions that Jesus so aptly planted into his heart? Notice what I said there, because there is a subtle statement being made here: Jesus intentionally asked this religious man, this good man, sage, teacher, questions he knew Nicodemus could not answer. Why? Perhaps to bring him to the end of himself?
I would have hated that, and I'm not so sure Nicodemus did not either. "How can a man be born the second time?" "What do you mean by being born of water and of Spirit?" I can not really answer those things today. Oh, sure, I can quote to you dozens of interpretations from left to right about what the church says it means. But, what does it really mean?
Years ago, a very wise pastor told me that I should never live in the ghetto of my own mind. I fear that I did not heed his words so well. Faith must be experienced, lived, at times--felt. I remember the scripture in Hebrews 11:6, and I paraphrase: you can't please God or even approach His very person without first believing fundamentally the HE IS. Now, I can do that! Today, I may not understand many of the things I thought I did years ago. I may not be able to believe in the same old answers my Sunday School teachers gave me. But, today, mine eyes have seen His salvation and in that, I find the greatest peace. I also am beginning to believe that just maybe my questions are an encounter with the Jesus of history who calls me to himself with words that fall heavy upon my ears...
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