The above link is one that I found in an article entitled "Losing Your Religion? How to Talk to your Kids", written by Valerie Tarico in the Living section of the Huffington Post. Tarico is best known for her book, The Dark Side: How Evangelical Teachings Corrupt Love and Truth and the founder of WisdomCommons.org. As the title of the article suggest, Tarico is addressing the issue of how to approach your children when your quest of faith has led you in an opposite direction than what they are used to seeing. This is no doubt a very serious issue and one that is oftentimes neglected at the demise of children's faith.
Children need to understand that faith is a journey and that in this journey things often change; we often change! This change does not negate the reality of the faith that we once held, it informs that faith and it is important that children understand this. There have been many cases where children wake up one day to find that things have changed drastically in the spirituality of their parents. Perhaps, this brings about a move from one church to another, or, even a change in the family's church attendance altogether. Where the family used to attend church on a regular basis, now the family only attends sporadically, if at all. This is not always a bad thing, it may just be a phase in a person's spiritual journey where relationship or solitude, etc, is more important at the time. However, children may see this and get confused and this confusion can breed disillusionment and an eventual migration away from all religious faith.
In the article, Tarico links to a piece she wrote and that is what is linked above and referenced in the title of this post. It goes beyond the need to speak to children about this and extends to family relationships and those persons in one's life that can be affected by change in a person's spiritual disposition. Tarico is writing for the benefit of loved one's who are worried about her change in faith and she is telling them what she sees as important about her change and what she wants them to know. Its a great piece and one that I wish I had stumbled upon a long time ago. She really does a great job of explaining the process she is going through; this process is indicative of what many of us, whose faith has been reshaped and redefined and who are constantly in a state of flux regarding matters of faith and spirituality, go through.
At the end of this post written to Tarico's loved ones, she says the following:
For a long time, I have known that the answers I had were not quite right. But I didn't really know how to explain this whole process or how to articulate a better set of answers, so mostly what I talked about was the flaws in the old way of thinking.
This really explains a process that I know I've been through and actions of mine that I sincerely regret. It is just so easy for us to think that since we are unhappy with or questioning what we believe then surely everyone must be feeling this way, or if they are not, they should be. The fact is, however, that some people never question their faith; they are happy and content in what they believe and it would not be healthy for them to have their faith challenged. I think what happens is that we become so invested in 'faith as a journey' and we want everyone to respect our navigational decisions in this journey, but we are not so free in giving others space to plot their own course in matters of faith.
We are all at different places in our spiritual quest and we should learn how to respect that my revelation may be a stumbling block to another. Paul, in the 14th chapter of Romans, speaks to this very issue when dealing with eating meat that was sacrificed to idols and respecting certain holy days. Paul acknowledges that our feelings of freedom and such are not shared by everyone around us. Damage can be unnecessarily done to another's faith if ideas and concepts are pushed upon them that they are not ready to receive. They may never receive it, and that should be okay with us. I can look back and see where I was totally irresponsible with my religious ideas and intentionally challenged others who should not have been challenged. I mean, my faith changes often; it is okay with me if I do not have all the answers and if I take a position that is totally opposite of one that I took in the past. That's me. But, others find security in the answers they have and when one of those answers are attacked or challenged, it becomes personal. I should understand this, especially since I have been there.
Whether it is our children or family members or friends, all should be given the respect to grow in their faith and understanding in a manner that is appropriate for each individually. Variety is a good thing; no one has to be just like me, or just like you. This is a great lesson to be reminded of and Tarico does a wonderful job of bringing our attention to this important reality.
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