Dread: Responsible Thinking or Poison? You decide....

I learned a great lesson this morning. Last night was a somber occasion. My wife's vacation was quickly coming to an end, our children were going back to the regular routine, and I knew that I was going to be faced with myself, alone. Oh, well, let's not forget Molly my precious 2 year old. But, you know what I mean. The week was so restorative in so many ways that I could not even begin to express the gratitude I have for the privilege of being with my family with a clear mind and an open and surrendered spirit.

But, there we sit last night, my wife and I together, dreading the day to come. Neither of us knowing what that day was to bring but yet having some horrifying ideas, pictures, of what it might be. The serenity and shelter was being threatened and neither of us were entirely comfortable. We even chose not to pray about tomorrow cause we both said we'd deal with it when it came.

Well, I guess by now we all know today is here. The alarm went off at 5:30am and I rolled off that bed and as soon as my feet hit the floor my spirit was flooded with the deepest sense of security that I've felt in a long time. And the cliche' resounded in my mind: I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds it in the palm of His hands. I had to stop for a moment... It was the last thing I expected, to hear: His sweet and wooing, lovely and passionate, calming and serene voice.

I think if I would of had time, and He knew I didn't, I would of fell on my face at that moment in gratitude. You see, its been such a long time since I've woke in the morning with a sense of hope. Life and pain and hurt and physical maladies have a way of eating away at you til before you even realize what has happened your not even a semblance of the man you used to be. You can even forget who you are if your not careful. But, there's one thing that I have come to know with certainty beyond doubt, He knows who I am.

John Howe, the Canadian artist says the following:

“What a folly to dread the thought of throwing away life at once, and yet have no regard to throwing it away by parcels and piecemeal.”

Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor, said:

Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.

Both these men make power statements about the very nature of dread. What is it that we're doing when we sit around worrying about things we can't change, days that haven't even arrived yet, bills we've not even gotten, health reports that may or may not be good or bad? Are we not wasting precious moments of today? Jesus, the man, also made a very profound statement to this regard. Remember now, especially in the Emperor's day and in Jesus' day, times were harsh. The first century C.E. world was fraught with danger and change and sickness and disease. I am not going to spend anytime this morning delineating it but take a little time to read about the world that Jesus lived in. His words will come alive in a new way to you.

Anyways, so I can put this to rest, Jesus sat down on the hillside one day and began a sermon, a famous one. We call it the Sermon on the Mount. In this sermon he dealt with the people's dread, saying:

33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34 "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

Matt 6:33-34 (NRSV)

Basically, Jesus was saying that you do not have the resources to deal with tomorrow yet. Your portfolio is not polished enough. Your investments in the future can crumble in a moment's time. Today, today is the day that the Lord has given; let us be glad and rejoice in it. (Ps 118:24, my paraphrase) In some ways that makes me feel vulnerable but in the most important ways, its liberating. He dwells in eternity: simultaneously in the past, present, and future. There is NOTHING that He does not know.

Lastly, I've yet to deal with Howe's quote and I've done it on purpose. I know what its like to attempt to wholesale throw my life away with drugs and alcohol and sex and every vice this old world has to offer. But, I never considered how we so easily gloss over opportunities because we dread or are afraid of something that even hasn't happened or may never happen. Piece by piece, we give ourselves, our potentials, away. God give us grace to listen today and see today what it is we're here to do and who might need us....