Creeped Out and Comforted

Jesus was a revolutionary dude. Now that I've actually typed that little sentence, I can see how true it really is. He wasn't your run of the norm Messiah wanna be, at least, he sure didn't carry himself as such. I suppose it depends upon whose account you put the most faith in (ie. Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John), but there were times when he literally bordered on the eccentric. And that is an understatement!

I woke up this morning and a portrait of John's gospel came to my mind and before I knew it I found myself amused and awed at the same time. One day, Jesus was doing what he did best: he was teaching. He had already fed these people with bread and fish and he begins to perceive that the crowd was simply waiting for the next meal. Now, I know I mentioned yesterday that first century Palestine was a difficult place to live; so, free bread from an itinerant sage was definitely going to garner attention. Jesus realizing that the people were striving for literal bread and not wanting them to miss the point, says something astounding:

53 So Jesus said to them, "Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; 55 for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. 56 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them.

John 6:53-56 (NRSV)

Now, let me tell you something, that creeps me out even to this day! I have the advantage of 2000 plus years of church teaching and theology as it relates to this passage. My library is packed full of books that deal with sacramental theology. But, even still, at face value, it freaks me out. I can only imagine what it did to those Jews listening and waiting for their next meal.

Are we really to believe that Jesus himself did not know that what he was about to say was going to literally freak out the crowd? Did he truly expect them to understand all that? I mean, think about it, the church split between East and West over issues related to this concept (among others, granted) some ten centuries after Jesus supposedly said this. There is to this day major confusion between Catholic and Protestant theology as it relates to the Eucharist and Communion. Why would Jesus utter such difficult and ultimately divisive words?

Personally, my first inclination is to say that he didn't. But, that's just too easy. Even if the actual historical Jesus did not utter these words as we have them today, and I know them thare(sic) are fighting words for some, the development of church doctrine and tradition hinges securely on this and other passages as it relates to sacramental theology: salvation.

So, what do we do with stuff like this? Throw it away? Put it aside? Say it isn't so? See, I think Jesus was fully aware of the difficulty of what he was saying and knew that noone was really going to get it. But, there were twelve men beside him that he had to know whether they would truly follow him or not.

The crowd sees the statement as too much and they disperse and we're left with Jesus and his disciples, alone. Jesus turns to them and ask them what must of been a difficult question: "will you also go away?" Not, do you understand? Can you cannibalize me? No! Will you go away too? Ah! What a powerful question. So your freaked out, you don't understand, you don't know which bible is right, what church to go too, who to trust, what to do. Jesus, however, has a very simple question, "will you go away too?."

I laughed out loud this morning as the Lord gently let me know that it's just okay not to understand. I don't need to understand how he laid the foundations of the earth. I don't need to know how he flung the stars into the heavens and set the boundaries of the sea. I don't have to have a clue how he sits upon the circle of the earth, the nations but drops in his bucket. I can't solve poverty, rid the world of disease and pain. I don't know if people are born this or that or where the line should be drawn regarding the ethic of life. There are so many things today that I don't know... but really, the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear saying, "are you going away too?" And I must say, no! A resounding, NO! Because even though I don't understand, I do know, as Peter said in reply, "only you have the words of life."(68, my paraphrase)

Dread: Responsible Thinking or Poison? You decide....

I learned a great lesson this morning. Last night was a somber occasion. My wife's vacation was quickly coming to an end, our children were going back to the regular routine, and I knew that I was going to be faced with myself, alone. Oh, well, let's not forget Molly my precious 2 year old. But, you know what I mean. The week was so restorative in so many ways that I could not even begin to express the gratitude I have for the privilege of being with my family with a clear mind and an open and surrendered spirit.

But, there we sit last night, my wife and I together, dreading the day to come. Neither of us knowing what that day was to bring but yet having some horrifying ideas, pictures, of what it might be. The serenity and shelter was being threatened and neither of us were entirely comfortable. We even chose not to pray about tomorrow cause we both said we'd deal with it when it came.

Well, I guess by now we all know today is here. The alarm went off at 5:30am and I rolled off that bed and as soon as my feet hit the floor my spirit was flooded with the deepest sense of security that I've felt in a long time. And the cliche' resounded in my mind: I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds it in the palm of His hands. I had to stop for a moment... It was the last thing I expected, to hear: His sweet and wooing, lovely and passionate, calming and serene voice.

I think if I would of had time, and He knew I didn't, I would of fell on my face at that moment in gratitude. You see, its been such a long time since I've woke in the morning with a sense of hope. Life and pain and hurt and physical maladies have a way of eating away at you til before you even realize what has happened your not even a semblance of the man you used to be. You can even forget who you are if your not careful. But, there's one thing that I have come to know with certainty beyond doubt, He knows who I am.

John Howe, the Canadian artist says the following:

“What a folly to dread the thought of throwing away life at once, and yet have no regard to throwing it away by parcels and piecemeal.”

Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor, said:

Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it.

Both these men make power statements about the very nature of dread. What is it that we're doing when we sit around worrying about things we can't change, days that haven't even arrived yet, bills we've not even gotten, health reports that may or may not be good or bad? Are we not wasting precious moments of today? Jesus, the man, also made a very profound statement to this regard. Remember now, especially in the Emperor's day and in Jesus' day, times were harsh. The first century C.E. world was fraught with danger and change and sickness and disease. I am not going to spend anytime this morning delineating it but take a little time to read about the world that Jesus lived in. His words will come alive in a new way to you.

Anyways, so I can put this to rest, Jesus sat down on the hillside one day and began a sermon, a famous one. We call it the Sermon on the Mount. In this sermon he dealt with the people's dread, saying:

33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34 "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today.

Matt 6:33-34 (NRSV)

Basically, Jesus was saying that you do not have the resources to deal with tomorrow yet. Your portfolio is not polished enough. Your investments in the future can crumble in a moment's time. Today, today is the day that the Lord has given; let us be glad and rejoice in it. (Ps 118:24, my paraphrase) In some ways that makes me feel vulnerable but in the most important ways, its liberating. He dwells in eternity: simultaneously in the past, present, and future. There is NOTHING that He does not know.

Lastly, I've yet to deal with Howe's quote and I've done it on purpose. I know what its like to attempt to wholesale throw my life away with drugs and alcohol and sex and every vice this old world has to offer. But, I never considered how we so easily gloss over opportunities because we dread or are afraid of something that even hasn't happened or may never happen. Piece by piece, we give ourselves, our potentials, away. God give us grace to listen today and see today what it is we're here to do and who might need us....

A Midnight Encounter with a Saviour

Questions are essential to human evolution. From the earliest days of Greek philosophy to the present, man has guided his quest upon this planet with questions that led to answers that only led to more and more questions. I love Euripides who said, "question everything." Or, the 12th century cleric and scholastic theologian, Abelard, who died quietly; his dying words are said to be "I don't know..."

My earliest notions of God was that He was offended by questioning,.Fundamentally, however, I do not think He is. Where did He come from? How did He not have a beginning? Why do we use a big H when writing His pronoun? What is incarnation? How can one man be both God and man at the same time? What of the millions who do not know or have lived and died without knowing....

Years ago, all those questions haunted me. I remember standing in the pulpit Sunday after Sunday preaching things that had been passed along to me via tradition that I no longer believed. I felt as if I was not only betraying myself but I was betraying the very people I had been entrusted to care for. Finally, it became too much and I became a casualty; lost in a sea of doubt, confusion, and cynicism.

Lately, I have been thinking about Nicodemus (Jn 3) coming to Jesus under the cloak of night. Personally, had I been Jesus I would of been offended. Here this teacher, leader, the man who was supposed to have the answers comes to Jesus incognito and identified Jesus as a teacher from God. If I were Nicodemus, I'm sure I would of instructed Jesus: tone it down... stop causing trouble. Jesus quickly, however, turns the tide on Nicodemus and begins to ask this sage questions he could not answer.

My mind often wanders off the beaten path of history or tradition and wonders what ever truly became of Nicodemus? What did he ever really do with the questions that Jesus so aptly planted into his heart? Notice what I said there, because there is a subtle statement being made here: Jesus intentionally asked this religious man, this good man, sage, teacher, questions he knew Nicodemus could not answer. Why? Perhaps to bring him to the end of himself?

I would have hated that, and I'm not so sure Nicodemus did not either. "How can a man be born the second time?" "What do you mean by being born of water and of Spirit?" I can not really answer those things today. Oh, sure, I can quote to you dozens of interpretations from left to right about what the church says it means. But, what does it really mean?

Years ago, a very wise pastor told me that I should never live in the ghetto of my own mind. I fear that I did not heed his words so well. Faith must be experienced, lived, at times--felt. I remember the scripture in Hebrews 11:6, and I paraphrase: you can't please God or even approach His very person without first believing fundamentally the HE IS. Now, I can do that! Today, I may not understand many of the things I thought I did years ago. I may not be able to believe in the same old answers my Sunday School teachers gave me. But, today, mine eyes have seen His salvation and in that, I find the greatest peace. I also am beginning to believe that just maybe my questions are an encounter with the Jesus of history who calls me to himself with words that fall heavy upon my ears...

The Lost Coin

How would it be possible if salvation were ready to our hand, and could without great labor be found, that it should be by almost all men neglected? But all things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
-- Baruch Spinoza

Wow, its just seems like forever since I've had the time or been physically able to update this blog. Health issues, family and marital issues have weighed heavily upon me of late and I am thankful to still be alive and in the ring, still fighting and not down yet. One of my of my all time favorite Christian contemporary groups was a group lead by Bryan Duncan many years before his mega successful solo career: Sweet Comfort. They broke up back in the mid eighties and it was the end of an era to me.

Anyways, they had a song entitled "Contender." Its all about this fight going on between two matched and formidable foes. One has the resolve to say, I'm not quitting, I not giving up...." If you've never heard it, try YouTube and see if its available. Its well worth the listen. That's where I've been and while I must say that its not the most pleasant place to be, it is where you find what your made of, who you love, how strong you are or how weak....

With all this said, it make Spinoza's quote all the more applicable. Obviously, Spinoza was not a Christian in any traditional sense. He was an excommunicated Jew who said he found it difficult to teach philosophy without disturbing organized religion. So, suffice it to say that his idea of salvation was not the typical evangelical one employed by most today. But, regardless, his statement speaks to me, even if in a different way than he would of chosen.

I am reminded of the kingdom parables that Jesus shared along the Galilee countryside: the kingdom of heaven is like a woman who had ten coins and lost one (lk 15). She swept her whole house all night to find one lost coin, and finding it she rejoiced as much or even more for the one she recovered than the nine she had in her pocket. I wonder if that wasn't was Spinoza was meaning when he likened salvation to that which is excellent and rare? I also wonder how many things we allow to just fall into the cracks of our lives, like the lady's coin? How easy would it of been for her to simply say, "I have nine others, what's one lost coin?" Yet, Christ likened the entire kingdom of heaven to that woman's search for that one lost coin.

At forty-0ne, I realize today that I have let too many coins slide into the cracks of life and lost pieces of myself along the way: passions, talents, things I didn't even know were gone. Losing a coin or two here or there may not add up, but eventually, it can become your very soul that's at stake. Just as this woman stayed up all night searching for that coin as if it were her only one, there comes a time when you realize that you've lost too much of yourself... life, drugs, addictions, cynicism.... so many things went wrong that I never intended to go wrong.

Oh, don't get me wrong; I would rather offer to Him a coin left in my pocket. I mean, a coin is a coin, right? But, all I have left is rubbish and refuse from a life ill spent. How am I to take something that I didn't loose to bartar for His eternal love and forgiveness? So, I, like the woman with the lost coin have been sweeping and searching trying so desperately to find that one thing that will make me acceptable to dad.... to my God. Divinity? Resurrection? Infallibility? I found them all but even in all those things, I still did not feel like I found the right coin.

Then, the beauty and agony of Spinoza's words kiss in a moment of complete and utter clarity: surrender. I finally realized that he doesn't care whether I understand the incarnation. Hell, the church has been wrangling over it for milineums. It took them four hundred yearsto come to some definitive statement which ultimately split the church. He doesn't care whether I believe that every word in the cover of the 21st century bible is genuine reliable history. He could care less what I think of atonement theory or gay marriage. What he does care about, though, is surrender. The toughest, rarest, and most lost coin in my whole collection. I could fake the others if I had too.... but, surrender?

Surrender hurts; it forces me to say what I hate to admit. That is, I don't know. I don't have the answers. All my reading, all my learning, all my theological pursuits, think-I-know's, none of them could help me in the moment that I came face to face with the one thing I did not want to do: bow. Sounds so easy, at the hand of every person, so readily available, but so difficult and rare that it makes its price so far above value one could never substitute anything for it.

Well, to make a long story short, I am finally on my knees. I told my wife last night that I was not entirely sure what that meant (and you thought you were so far gone! LOL) All I know, is He is right here with me... and, that's worth more than theories, books, theology, cynicism, or anything coin I can begin to substitute in my collection.... thank you, Jesus!

One Priest, Two Faiths, and Lots of Questions - News

One Priest, Two Faiths, and Lots of Questions - News

Pluralistic ideology can often be abstract and rhetorical. The above article on belief.net's news section highlights two Episcopal priest: one who is both an Episcopal priest as well as a follower of Islam; the other is an Episcopal priest recently voted in as the Bishop of the Upper Michigan Diocese who also practices Zen Meditation and has received lay ordination from a Buddhist community. The controversy over these two priest is stirring up much debate and is threatening to create a 21st century version of the Syncretistic Controversy.

Among those of us who have a positive view on religious pluralism, I wonder how many would feel comfortable with multiple faith confessions? It is true that many of the beliefs of the world's major religions contradict one another. How can these differences be reconciled? One of the priest involved states that Christianity and Islam (her additional faith interest) inform and compliment one another more than they collide with each other.

I must admit that the idea gives me some pause, not really idealistically, but more of a practical nature. The demands and conflicting ideas of, say, Islam and Christianity, would be very difficult to reconcile in my opinion. To the contrary, to have an eclectic faith where one can be a part of a specific faith community, one that best suits or fits their spirituality, but also is free to take from any religion to inform and enhance their understanding of God and responsibility to the world, seems to be a more manageable propposition. For instance, I am an Episcopalian and am most comfortable in a Christo-centric, bible related practice of faith. However, I allow myself the freedom to search for God in the sacred scriptures of many religions: buddhist, Islamic, earth based spirituality, etc, they all have something of value to offer the soul that is searching. Some fit with my spiritual disposition and where I am at the moment better than others. Some day down the road I may be able to find value in things that can not recieve from today.

What is your opinion on this matter? Is it really possible for a person to be a part of two completely different faiths and be equally as faithful to both? This is a very interesting question and one that is likely to become more relevant as our postmodern age proceeds. Leave a comment through which you can follow me to Disqus and we can discuss this topic further. Be sure to vote on the poll related to this post that is included in the right side bar. Thank you for your participation!