Okay, before I even begin this morning, let me say first that I can NOT even believe what I am about to talk about: Judas Iscariot! For a host of reasons, I do NOT like this character, most of which is rooted in my disdain for certain theologies that create lenses through which we can look at this man and what happened to him. I don't like it that he was pretty much doomed from the beginning... that brings up election and predestination and a host of other stuff that me and my reformed brethren will heartily disagree about.
But, that is not my purpose this morning. In fact, I hardly doubt it will EVER be my purpose. I am rather passionate about some things. Anyways, I bring him up this morning because of something that happened to me personally, yesterday. I realized something about me that is a fundamental part of my disposition; a destructive facet indeed. And as I pondered this weakness and its fallout, my mind went to Judas of all people. So, here we go....
Of all the things we can say about the man, the one thing that I see in him is that he was self absorbed. That is not necessarily a biblical indictment. Biblically, he's almost immediately known as the one that betrayed Jesus. What a legacy to leave behind! But, I am not so much interested in what he did, but why he did it. And, personally, in my understanding, he was simply self absorbed.
You know the type. They're the ones who always think their ideas are better. They will follow you, sure, but deep inside they always think they could do it better. Judas kept the money and he tried to keep a tight reign on it too. He believed that Jesus was the Messiah but he was frustrated that He was not revealing Himself to more people. Speculation says that he went to the High Priest that night in his betrayal to force the hand of Jesus. He had seen Jesus preform miracles and speak with authority and surely if he pushed his hand Jesus would respond and take his rightful spot as their King---who had just ridden symbolically into Jerusalem upon a donkey, being hailed as the Son of David by the masses gathered for passover. If Jesus' moment was to ever come, surely today was it! But, Judas didn't quite get it, and I don't berate him either cause I probably wouldn't of gotten it myself. I still don't sometimes.
But, unfortunately for him, that's not what happened, is it? Jesus didn't do what Judas expected and Judas ultimately paid the price for his insolence. His end is a horrific picture; one of the most horrific pictures of self destruction ever afforded in scripture.
The end of such behavior is always the same, isn't it? We hurt those around us, we run rough shod over the people we love because we can't see past what we want to do. Our agenda somehow takes precedent, and usually at the most unconducive time ever. How many of us have betrayed people we really loved? Pushed them to do things that we knew they either shouldn't do or were not ready for?
I don't like talking about this; personally I despise Judas and everything he stands for. Or, at least, everything the church manipulates him to stand for. But, in the end, I have to admit a kinship, one that I pray for God's grace to change. I love my wife, my children, and I no longer want to plunge headlong into my life, my day, without thought of how my actions will affect them.
May God give us all the grace to do the same!
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