This morning is a somber morning. Addiction in one's life can be a terrible reminder of the daily grind. Stay away from this; don't let this trigger create this situation or that, avoid these places. Those of you who know what I am talking about know the drill. And, to be quite honest, it can be very disheartening.
Over the years, I have found myself confused as to the true nature of addiction: disease, bad choices, lack of self-control? Some, I assume, would find the former more liberating. In many ways, it removes responsibility from me and puts onto this thing inside me that once awakened, turns into a monster that knows no boundaries. And, as a person who knows what addiction feels like, I can tell you that there certainly is some truth in to the, "I don't know how to stop" mentality, at least until a crisis comes along: jail, failing marriage, children.... any host of reasons can wake one up and hopefully give him/her a second chance.
Lying in bed last evening, my wife and I began to talk about this issue. I had attended a local NA meeting and met a man there who had 22 years clean. He stated his name followed by the typical, "I am an addict." I looked down the road and I asked myself, did I want to be in the same place saying the same old line 22 years from now? First answer was a resounding yes, if that is what it takes to keep me where I need to be.
Then, I asked my wife a question about blind Bartimaeus. You know who I am talking about. The man who sat by the wayside, hearing that Jesus was coming his way? He's crying: Son of David, Son of David!!!! Have mercy on me!!! Have mercy on me!!! (Jn 10) We all know the story, right? I mean, the crowd tried to quiet this poor man but the more they tried to shut him up the more he cried. Jesus comes alongside him and ask for him to be lifted up. Standing before Jesus, Jesus ask him an unbelievable question: what do you want me to do for you?
Relaying that story, I then asked my wife: did Bartimaeus attend a former blind persons support group afterward? Was there a leper group or an ex-cripple group? I know this sounds cynical and perhaps it is in a way. But, if addiction is a disease, then can not God heal it as quickly and as easily as he healed the blind man or the leper? I wonder if Lazarus got a blue chip for every year he lived past his initial resurrection?
How many people spend their lives preoccupied with the addictions and pains and injustices of the past? Both secular and religious counseling can not keep up these days with the number of people who need help. Sexual abuse, spousal abuse, child abuse, the laundry list of man's plight is staggering. But, unfortunately, in many of these situations, the one thing that is missing is a Jesus walking alongside the road. The climax never comes because He is never given His rightful place.
I don't how or when or where, but I sense a change, a stirring if you will. Jesus is coming along the road. Oh, let's not argue over anything this morning: so its Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, a rock, I really don't care. But, for me, I can hear the crowd stirring in my spirit and I know that long lean Galilean is walking my way and all I really have to do is cry out, Son of David, Messiah, King, have mercy on me.
When he stoops to lift my hand, asking me what it is that I need, I wonder what I will ask for? Healing for addiction, sexual abuse, child abuse; what will my answer be? This morning, the words of the psalmist resonates in my heart: "...be merciful unto me: heal my soul; for I have sinned against thee." (Psalms 41:4 KJV) Isn't that really the true answer? Not the extraneous issues of our lives, the periphery, if you will: sick hearts, souls torn apart and scarred, rotting from the very inside out. All the horror of days gone by can be healed in an instant when Jesus speaks to you and ask, what do you want?
What do you want today? Thought of it yet? Don't let a moment, another day, week, month, year, pass you by. Before long, you'll be so concentrated on your blindness and your begging that you'll even miss the one who's passing you by. God, give us grace today to ask for the healing of our hearts so that we no longer have to live in the bondage of yesterday!
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